Jo shares about life after adopting. The reality, brutally raw and beautiful. The truth, as it really is. The season of now.
I have spent many guilt filled days berating myself because I’m not a very good friend to you. A better person would have made more play dates, met you for lunch, come to your kid’s birthday party, responded to your texts quicker – or at all.
But I haven’t.
In a perfect world you and I would probably be Sex and the City best friends, but six years ago I made a decision that just doesn’t leave much room that.
Don’t let my facebook feed fool you, what I do on a daily basis would make most people run away in horror.
I am parenting a broken, abandoned child. The after effects of her first three years still reverberate through this family in waves that frequently leave me struggling to breathe.
Years ago, I was a server at Red Lobster. One of the industry terms often used was “in the weeds.” It meant that you were overwhelmed with your customers and were constantly unable to catch up with your basic needs.
The beauty of the job was I could yell, “I’m in the weeds!!!” and two or three other servers would jump in and help me out. We were all doing the same job, and at a quick glance they could assess my situation and know what they could do to get me back on track.
I wish parenting adopted children was like that.
But it’s not.
These days I exist in the weeds. And I am often emotionally empty. There just isn’t room for us to be best friends because my entire life is invested in parenting a child that is broken.
And it’s really hard work.
I’m not asking for your sympathy because despite the difficult work I have chosen I am raising a phenomenal child full of life, love and imagination. I just want you to understand that it’s not personal. Through it all I believe deeply in a God of redemption, a God grace, and a God love. I believe that my daughter was built in His image and every morning I choose to walk in faithfulness and love this little girl God gave me.
But, yeah, it’s hard.
For all of you mommies like me, who are overwhelmed, struggling to breathe, parenting children that often take you way beyond your ability to cope… I suggest we all take a collective breath, find a momentary happy place, and shake off the guilt of not being a good enough friend.
Jo Isley blogs at Average American Housewife. She is a biological mom, and adoptive mom, a stay-at-home mom, a baby wearing mom, a cook-from-scratch mom, a bargain hunting mom, a sleep deprived mom, but most of all a happy mom! She has no recollection of what it’s like to use the bathroom without my audience of four!
Talitha Seibel – Marginal Moms
Busting the myth that Moms have to do-it-all.
as a parent I can totally understand the struggles and being pushed to a breaking point. As a adopted adult the words abandoned and broken make me cringe. You may feel she is broken and abandoned but that is not what she is. Kids need love and security they do not need to feel like they need to be “fixed” which is what you are saying she needs by saying she broken. You are also saying she is unloved by saying she was abandoned. I urge you to not use those words to describe your child. Her past does not need to determine her future and those 2 words will never make it easy for her to look at her past. You call it being raw and real I call it being cruel and unnecessary.
as a parent I can totally understand the struggles and being pushed to a breaking point. As a adopted adult the words abandoned and broken make me cringe. You may feel she is broken and abandoned but that is not what she is. Kids need love and security they do not need to feel like they need to be “fixed” which is what you are saying she needs by saying she broken. You are also saying she is unloved by saying she was abandoned. I urge you to not use those words to describe your child. Her past does not need to determine her future and those 2 words will never make it easy for her to look at her past. You call it being raw and real I call it being cruel and unnecessary.