Moist.
That’s right I said moist.
I just started this off with what is commonly accepted to be the most hated and icky word in the English language.
Moist.
I’m doing that for a reason and, as silly as it sounds, I do think it matters. Let me explain why.
There are a lot of things in life that are kind of icky and we don’t want to deal with them. We avoid saying words like moist or acknowledging things that make us uncomfortable.
When you hear the word marginal, what comes to mind?
Do you imagine a mom sitting on her couch with wine in one hand and her cellphone in the other, letting her kids run wild and free because she is taking free license with being marginal?
You may find it offensive that I, a white woman in America who is financially stable, has a beautiful home and family and does not appear, from outside onlookers to know struggle, has no right to co-opt the word “marginal”,” when there are marginalized people standing at our borders begging for safe entry and protection from a life that is more destitute than any of us in America can ever imagine?
Maybe a Marginal Mom came to mind right away and… you felt the icky. Is it that you, your self, are marginal, incapable and no good at anything that you do? Do you feel like you do nothing well? Or is it another mom you know, who’s just not living up to your standards? Are you judging her, and by her it may mean you?
All of those could be true, and definitely not how any of us want to be, right? It’s not what we are meant to be. God created us for better. He made us Marginal.
What if I told you that first mom hasn’t slept more than 4 hours straight in the past week, she’s trying to take a minute to herself after cleaning up messes you don’t even want to know about from her special needs kids and she’s blessed to be able to work from home and be present with them… but most of it is on that phone. She doesn’t need you to tell her she is marginal. She knows.
The second mom, yeah… My life looks grand and it truly is!! Thank you for noticing that. I could insert a litany of struggles and justifications here. Seriously, part of me wants to. I know that is part of something inside of me that is a privilege, and I acknowledge the need to use it for good. Oh, did I just say “privilege?” Another complicated word. If you caught it, you either perked up a bit or rolled your eyes. See what I did there? I will just say… get to know me. I’ll share how I’ve had to scrape the bottom of barrels to survive. I’ll tell you. I’ll use my margins, aware that part of it is a product of privilege, and leave wide spaces for serving others. I’m volunteering as tribute to raise my hand and call myself a Marginal Mom. I know my page needs constant editing.
That last mom, the one that came to mind when you read Marginal Mom? Stop judging her, or you. Let me tell you, I am NOT going to stand here and let you beat her up. I won’t join in and I will do everything I can to help you see her infinite value. And still, by her I also mean you. Judgment is powerful and it can be a dead weight or a driving force. A halo knocked off our head quickly looks a lot like a hangman’s noose. We have to have good judgment mamas. I’m not going to ever tell you to “Go Wash Your Face!” That’s not the message here. The message we need is, “Go And Sin No More!” What we need to do is see truth where there is truth, in us and others. And if there’s something to change we take a deep breath and we walk through it with people who see our infinite value and want the wellness of our bodies and souls. We can figure that out together. Let’s do that.
The truth is this,
All three of those moms ARE ME.
Being marginal is unavoidable. It’s how we were created, so God can work in us.
When I started acknowledging that I was marginal, people became uncomfortable. They didn’t like the word and not everyone wanted to hear me say it.
But you know what they did do? They noticed it. And as I shared more about how I was minding my margins… they actually appreciated it and valued me more.
And then, moms started joining me!
It took so long for me to acknowledge that I’m not created to do it all. Women are told constantly that we can be-or-do anything we want to be-or-do. And because we *can* somehow it becomes an obligation that we must. Learning to accept how limited I am and surrendering to being marginal was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but you know what? It was also the most freeing. It led to being fulfilled and working in God’s plan for me in ways that I never knew I needed.
God designed the shape of our souls with margins, just like a page in a book. If we bleed our story over the edges we aren’t leaving the spaces that He designed for us to offer to Him.
If we rip pages out of our book, or we don’t leave open spaces to fill with the unexpected parts of life… we aren’t thriving in our margins.
I’m not the best at it, but I’m willing to share my margins with you.
Mama, I’m gonna tell you something,
We need to mind our own
I ask you to give me some of your time.
I’m going to share why I believe that we were created to acknowledge, accept, and thrive within the unique margins that God created for each of us. I am anxious to share with you the tools that helped me dig out my own refusal to mind my margins. I want you to consider that margins are for our good and wholeness, even when they feel icky, achy and even unfair. In the end, your margins are specific and uniquely yours. You are the one who has to figure it out.
I believe you want to. I know you need to.
God never intended for us to do it all.
Let’s figure this out together.
