Moms love new inventions, we do. Something new comes to the market, promising to save a few moments of our precious time and we line up like lemmings with eyes glazed over, ready to throw down some dollars and
We’ll take that extra 35 seconds of daily relief on the couch,
Maybe an extra minute of deep yoga breathing before crawling out of bed in the morning,
The chance to shave BOTH legs today, even!
Yeah, we like time-saving schemes, for sure.
Sometimes I look at my kitchen appliances and imagine what it must have felt like to be the recipient of the first microwave, dishwasher… the first vacuum cleaner. I bet that mama heard angels singing, “Alleluia”. I imagine she had a fabulous frock on, a killer ruffled apron and red hot lipstick. Man, she’s cute.
I love my dishwasher.
I noticed a few recent inventions, though, that left me shaking my head and hollering, “Y’all don’t get this!” Because, while we DO want to stretch our seconds and maximize our minutes…
there are some moments that Moms may prefer to have left alone.
Here are three of mine, with inventions that I personally want nothing to do with.
I’m even going to tell you why.
2. HOW TO FOLD A SHIRT IN 2, or 3 or 5 Seconds
At first glance, this does appear brilliant. I’ll give you that. I’ve seen this and other Jedi Knight Samurai-esque folding tutorials passed around Facebook many a time. They look fabulous. I certainly spend a high percentage of my waking hours folding laundry, so these hammer-time moves could certainly come in handy. What’s not to like?
Well, let me tell you.
Personally, as someone who is highly uncoordinated and awkward, could not fold a shirt that way sitting down. It would not work. Even our instructor in the above demonstration is on foot. That’s no small glitch in this system.
I am not willing to learn the above technique because I can perform the task on the couch watching Call The Midwife, or Lost reruns. I’m not standing up at a table to fold 6 loads of laundry. Ever.
Who would do that? Even if we cut the time down with this amazing slight of hand trick, I’d get dizzy with all that flip flopping multiplied by infinity-of-children’s-shirts.
The above demonstrates some seriously impressive moves, I know. That will not be nearly as simple for those of us wrestling with shirts that, once clean, may or may not have sat crumpled in a basket, underneath the weight of another full basket, for a few days until mama can find a moment to sit and fold. Them-there wrinkles can become near permanent and cause quite a problem for such smooth movers as the model in our lovely example above.
True, I can get the older group of children to do the folding and sometimes I do.
But…there’s Call The Midwife to be had, and Lost reruns! They are mine.
2. FEEDING MY BABY, WITHOUT HOLDING MY BABY
Now, it seriously can get tiresome to feed a baby. It’s a full time job whether you use breast or bottle. Mommy wars rage on all fronts with this subject as the banner of truth. I’m not here to say anything about that. Feeding our children involves hard decisions, people. Always. And that doesn’t end with weaning, it goes on until sending them away to college and deciding how much kitchen type supplies can be snuck into their dorm room, to encourage eating outside of that cafeteria at least once a semester.
My problem with this is from personal experience, but I have breastfed all of my 4 bio babies. I found feeding them to be one of the only opportunities I had on a daily basis to be present for them, especially as we got down to the 3rd and 4th children. As we move forward with Making Room For More and preparing for more littles in our house, the idea of strapping them into a car seat and aiming a bottle into their mouth is just a bummer for me. I want that contact. I know they need that touch. So, inventor of the bottle sling extraordinaire… no thanks.
3. PEE STANDING UP! BECAUSE, NO
I read about this HERE.
I see the draw. They say that this is a shocking invention!! Look at the freedom this option to stand and pee will give us!
I understand why they are recommending this … device (or origami-folded piece of plastic coated paper colored hot pink because obviously all women want pink, for $6 apiece). Public bathrooms are gross, but we are ladies. We are the ones who will lift and lower the seat if we are going to pee-on-foot. And if we don’t, our lack of experience aiming the flow is likely to create quite a mess and we are going to take the time and face the germs to wipe that up. Once again, because we are ladies.
Now, further down the post it suggests that we can avoid the long line to the ladies’ room to use the men’s! Once again, we are the ones who take note of that cleanliness and germs in the bathroom thing. I have boys, and I have 6 brothers. I know what they do to bathrooms. I don’t want your men’s room experience.
Dear Inventors,
Please work on something else. Something that doesn’t negate the need for sitting down, in the only instance some of us moms get a chance to do so!
Sincerely,
A Mom Who Sits To Pee, And often pretends she has to pee, just to sit.
DISCLAIMER:
This is a Whatever Wednesday post. It’s when I allow myself to let out a little of my inner-snarktastic. If you disagree and love these inventions, that’s great! Just sharing my own take on them for a chuckle. You are absolutely welcome to strap your baby into a car seat, aim the bottle and swing it toward their mouth,run to the bathroom and fold your pink paper to pee standing up and fold a shirt in 2-5 seconds with your free hand on the bathroom counter top. In fact, if you pull that off I want to hear about it!!! You deserve an award!
What inventions and products have you seen that make your eyes roll, readers?
If like me you find yourself looking for moments of free time to grasp at, check out this blog post about finding a Minute For Mom, by my friend at Practical Princess Diaries. She shared about that coveted free second today on her blog, too!
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Losing Your *IT* vs. Saving Grace – 5 Things I’ve Learned Through 7 Years of Poop
Birth Announcement Etiquette – Ban The Birth “Firsts”
