I would like to start this out with an awkward but clear disclaimer. This isn’t a typical movie review, but a list of triggers to be prepared for, specifically for children and teens who have suffered trauma.
I’m not sure that I can accurately pinpoint the last time Travis and I have gone to see a movie alone. We aren’t quite sure.
He suggests it was The DaVinci Code in
I *think* at one point we saw one of the James Bond movies with Daniel Craig alone, but I can’t remember if it was in a group. So, Travis may be right. It may have been 12 years ago.
If he is correct, the last movie date was 12 years and three more kids ago. Four if you count that Ruckus was still
I am clearly not a movie buff, and incredibly unqualified to be a movie critic. I hate going to movie theaters and don’t even read many reviews.
I am, however, adamantly passionate about children in foster care; how they are presented and treated. When I make the effort to see a movie in a theater it is for a reason and this reason is incredibly important to me. Also, who are we kidding, I am definitely *critical,*
People hate spoilers. It seems a cardinal offense and
THIS REVIEW will be short and simple. I’m going to avoid undue spoiling for you and off simple heads up info.
But, I AM A SPOILER type. I really am. I don’t care for the element of surprise nearly as much as I like to analyze and share thoughts and observations. This film was rich with subtle cues, with so much fodder for conversation about adoption and
I am offering a SECOND part to this review in a lay-it-all out there spoiler piece for you to consider what a real foster/adoptive set of parents saw when we sat through this film. It’s GOOD.
If you want access to THE SPOILERS, with play-by-play insights, you’ll need to sign up for my mailing list.
I’ll be sending that out tomorrow as a link to my mailing list. You may want the spoilers before seeing the film, but I definitely suggest hearing us out AFTER seeing it, at the least. We have a lot to say to encourage and to challenge anyone who has a role with foster children, whether foster parent, neighbor,
My Not Blind Review
This movie is written for adults, not kids.
The focus is on showing an adult perspective and some of the children’s experiences, but it is not written for kids and does not address foster care with the sensitivity toward them, period. Its purpose is to offer perspective to the general ADULT population, in regards to the fostering/adopting experience, in hopes to encourage more involvement. That’s great!
Again, it’s not written for the kids.
My review is going to focus on telling you why and what the adults need to consider so you aren’t blindsided.
Instant Family is a comedic drama. It’s funny and it is dramatic, obviously. I’m bringing this up because I had to remind myself that throughout the movie. Movies about foster care and about adoption tend to fall either into this category or horror. I hate that but it seems to be consistent. As someone, sitting there seeing trauma presented as comedy, I had to keep refocusing on their point being the comedy, to not get upset at pain-being-jokes. It’s great writing and I enjoyed it, but I point this out because I believe it is the most important point parents should consider. Trauma is made light of in a comedic perspective, throughout the movie.
The triggers start less than 2 minutes in, with fun-poking a couple struggling with infertility. That’s poignant and set my expectations. The scripting was well written and funny, but as a birth professional who serves couples walking through this struggle… I saw the potential “ouch.”
Triggering topics continue through the entire movie down to the last closing scene, a fade out of a standard sea-of-smiling-faces with a happy ending. I hope that’s vague enough for you spoiler-rejectors with still being clear that this film is a minefield of triggers.
Triggers can be good and challenge us. They really can.
Still, they can be damaging and too much for the wrong person and that is particularly true for children who have been through hard experiences. Even into adulthood, and specifically for foster or adopted children, these triggers can cause relapses into addiction, illness and pain.
I would call this movie is a no-go for the majority until a trusted adult who knows their individual needs has previewed it and ok-ed it for them. The film normalizes things for the general public in some great ways, but there is no denying that triggers abound. They did a great job at pushing buttons and raising red flags for both Travis and me, as we considered the children we have worked with.
Themes That May Trigger, even if the commentary was minimal:
- Infertility/ Miscarriage/ Fertility Treatments
- Fostering As a Last Resort
- Fostering as a Naive “Why Not?”
- White Savior Complex
- Physical Abuse
- Abandonment
- Psychological Abuse
- Neglect
- Food Insecurity
- Languishing In The System
- Secondary Abuse/Neglect by Foster Parents
- Injury/Er Visit as a Foster Child
- Teen Behavior/ Sexting
- Parentification of Older Sibling
- Parental Inversion (Child having to parent their own parent)
- Removal from GOOD Foster Home/ Bouncing
- Being “Second Choice”
- Being Returned/Disliked by Foster Parents
- Sexual Abuse
- Statutory Abuse
- Drug Abuse
- Failed Reunification
- Comparison of Foster Family and Bio Family
- Clear focus on Adoption over Reunification
- Little Mention of Support for Biological Mom
- CANDID NEGATIVE THOUGHTS/CONVERSATIONS OF FOSTER PARENTS IN PRIVATE (this one was big and concerns me for sensitive teens)
- Rejection/Judgement by Extended Family of Foster Home
- Seeing Hardship of Foster Parents with
- Coping/Adjusting/Accepting/Loving
- Unrealistic Timeline Expectation
- Fundamentalist Religious Adoption
- Same-Sex Couple Fostering/Adopting
- Interracial Adoption
- Single Mother Fostering/Adopting
- Celebratory Gotcha-Day Type Scene
They packed it in, for one film.
Some of these things are only slightly touched on, and many of them are not traumatic to the majority. It is worth mentioning if it could be problematic to a specific child, so I hope the list can help parents with that. Some of these topics are addressed really well with a balanced spin. In fact, it may offend you that I included some of them, but this is about how it affects children, and that isn’t the point of the list.
When a person has suffered childhood trauma it can set them back days, weeks, or months, to have it presented unexpectedly, even in the smallest way. Memories flood, stressors are triggered, addictions flare up. Pain ensues.
I feel like we need to be even more cautious with it being presented as a comedy for the whole family. A fully healed adult may see the humor and that is fantastic, even an older teen. If you are a foster or adoptive parent YOU know your child/teen. Please consider seeing it yourself before taking them.
For adults who don’t know much about the fostering process, this film does a great beginners job at touching on all of the things above, even if it just leaves you wondering, “Wait, what!?!?”
It also leaves so much out.
If all of my trauma
Instant Family needed at least four more hours to cover it all, but it’s a start. Let’s use that to begin hard conversations that could lead to better support for foster families, biological families in the system, and especially the children who are the core of what this is about.
If you want some perspective on fostering/adoption, Instant Family really is a great movie to see. It’s off on several things, and that’s frustrating, but overall worth it to get people thinking. Awareness comes in baby steps. Take this list of triggers as a heads up to consider as you watch. It’s truly a great film.
As a foster parent, I see glaring holes in expectations and realistic experience (which we will discuss in SPOILERS with the mailing list). Instant Family is for SURE more realistic than The Blind Side… which is mentioned pointedly in the movie more than once (ALSO to be discussed in our spoilers). Some parts are a truly realistic portrayal of fostering and a helpful perspective. I am encouraged by the fact that this movie will start good conversations, and I invite any of you to send me your questions and thoughts as well. Let’s talk.
As for a typical, standard movie review?
If you came here for that, I’m sorry.
I specifically offer the perspective of a foster parent and someone who is invested in supporting children who have survived trauma.
I’m sure there will be plenty movie reviews out in due course. For those who want to know about the language, sexual content, violence, etc., you may want to look that up because there are some of each. You’ll be able to find that on Rotten Oranges or whatever that site it, I guess.
Did Travis and I like it?
I tried to keep count and I think I flat out cried 11 times. Travis was brought to tears at least 4 times, and we both left with our heads and hearts burning, as we work through our own abilities and involvement with supporting children in foster care. So, that is a yes..ish?
If you want the spoilers and our in-depth thoughts on the above list of triggers, SIGN UP for my mailing list.
You will get it over the weekend.
It’s only been 12 hours since we watched Instant Family. We’re still discussing, praying, frustrated, challenged, inspired and taking notes for you.
Don’t miss out on what we can learn!
